Giving in, I hate it. Regret, is all I feel. Prior though, pleasure exists a moment.
Afterward, the clarity is unbearable. My disgust at my own hedonism never fails to emerge afterwards. In the morning, I manifest not indulging in needless pleasures. In the evening, I journal about self hatred, and promise I’ll do better tomorrow. The voice in my head tells me, “You must break the pattern today or the loop will repeat tomorrow.” I cannot escape the shame I feel, like Adam In Genesis. This self inflicted pain, caused by my constant self indulgence, is inescapable. Just like all the other ways I make myself suffer, It is embedded in my confused frame.
Will I ever stop hating me? I can only hope so. Credence in myself is not an option. Will I ever stop hating me? Self improvement is required. Which is why I must ask myself, Will I ever stop hating me? I can only hope so.
I execute all seven cardinals; I understand that I’m erroneous in doing so.
The execution, or lack thereof, Is what makes me feel this self hatred.
I know I can do better, but my indulgence overpowers The Leftovers so.
My hatred for my competition Is the exclusive motivation for me so.
I feel that I am the only one who is alive, It is impossible that others are sentient, so
I cannot feel anything but distaste for their bliss, I cannot have it so.
This deranged overthinking, Will forever plague me so.
William Rosser is a third year cadet at NMMI. He is a based intellectual who enjoys lifting weights and reading. He plans on Graduating in 2024 and going to a Service Academy.